2009 BMW 750Li Review

That's the 750Li in a nutshell. It's the Windows Vista of luxury cars. The Side View cameras, for instance, sound intriguing in theory, but in practice the view they provide is difficult to interpret. How far away is that car coming at me really? Do I trust this camera's message and pull out now? Am I upside down? The Night Vision view is similarly frustrating. Yes, it's great fun at stoplights -- you can see the heat fading off the tires of the car stopped in front of you, then watch the heat trace on the road as it drives away. As a practical device for detecting humans (or, say, deer) in the road ahead, however, it's nearly impossible to monitor the display while driving (the system is a $2600 option).

Scan the test results, and the 750Li presumes to be a star. And, indeed, it dusted off its two rivals in straight-line sprints, at just 4.9 seconds to 60 mph nipping the S550 by 0.4 seconds and the A8L by 1.4. It also posted the best braking and figure-eight results, albeit by the tiniest of margins. Yet off the clock the BMW pleased none of us. Throttle and transmission response is herky-jerky, thwarting all attempts to impress your passengers with your driving smoothness-and at the same time damping your enthusiasm. Steering feel is just...okay (our test car did not have the optional Active Steering). The chassis, despite those whiz-bang adaptive shocks and all that processing power, fails at both handling poise and ride comfort. The dour interior doesn't delight the eyes or your tactile senses. Our test car even emitted an annoying background fan or gear whine that seemed to follow throttle movements. This from a $105,370 luxury sedan -- and a brand-new design at that?

Summed up senior editor Ed Loh in the logbook: "No question the BMW is a fast, fast getaway sedan -- the one you want when you're carting a boatload of dough out of Terry Benedict's casino. Squash the gas pedal and the big 7 just goes and goes. The problem is, that's about all it does. Its lazy throttle response, turbo lag -- whatever the problem is -- kneecaps the car in situations when full throttle isn't required (99 percent of the time). I can forgive a luxury sedan that gets this formula wrong the other way -- buttery smooth most of the time, hopeless in full-throttle situations. This is unconscionable."