The Cult Of Personality
If you've never experienced it, try this: Arrange to have a date with a supermodel who knows Karate; then rent a convertible, paint it fuchsia; and ask your date to ride next to you topless through a college town just after a home game lets out. You'll (A) get a lot attention and thumbs-up signs, (B) feel like some kind of super stud yourself, (C) instantly draw a crowd of young men anywhere you stop for gas, asking questions like, "Is she yours? How fast is she?" and "Can I have a spin?" (D) no doubt find a challenge or two from the crowd, knowing full well you and your supermodel date could whup the drunk guy and his sorority girlfriend, and (E) eventually get tired of the attention and be forced to speed away to find serenity and an open road to enjoy the moment for yourself. Such is the case driving a Dodge Viper. But, hey, someone's gotta do it, right?
-Chris Walton
Your Car, Sir
Each of the cars in this shootout was a hoot to drive on the high-banked Ford test track in Arizona, but when it came time to drive back to Los Angeles, things got a little tense. We all wanted to drive the Ferrari, but the boss man held everyone at bay with a broken Frappuccino bottle just long enough to jump behind the wheel of the Italian beauty and roar off in a cloud of tire smoke. Next on the most-favored list was the E55. After drop-kicking the bad-backed Mac DeMere out of the way, body-slamming the thinly built Chris Walton, and arm-wrestling the rapidly atrophying Jeff Karr, I managed to commandeer the keys to the Mercedes. Believe it or not, the last car in the lot was the Viper. No one wanted it. "How can that be?" Well, let me help you with this concept. The Viper is a great car when you're driving around town. It's also loads of fun on a racetrack if you're a good driver. However, it rides too rough and is too noisy for prolonged highway driving compared to the other vehicles in this test (especially the super-luxo E55). Given my choice of vehicles from our test, the Ferrari would be first (I may be Polish, but I'm not stupid), followed by the Mercedes, Vette, 911, NSX, BMW, and Viper last.
-Chuck Schifsky
After The Tire Smoke
Cleared..E-Gads!
Although my love for the Ferrari is well known, the car in this test second-most impressive to me is the Mercedes E55. I've always liked fast sedans, but the notion of a super-luxo E-Class that runs neck-and-neck with a Vette and Carrera 4 is almost too much fun to comprehend. Jam the throttle into the cut-pile, and this beast will try to rip your head off with accelerative force. In a 70-120-mph rolling race, the E55 matched pace with the Viper when the bad asp was left in fourth gear, and only lost by a respectable margin when the big Dodge's pilot rammed it down into third. Unbelievable! Until the 400-horse BMW M5 makes it to our shores, the awesome E55 is the king of all sedans.
-C. Van Tune