Could It Happen? Another One Bytes the Dust

The automation experts say smart cars are a good thing. "Driving will be more enjoyable," they insist. "You'll be able to read a book behind the wheel." Well, obviously these people have never studied, say, Los Angeles traffic--where it's already an everyday occurrence to see a driver scything through gridlock while simultaneously turning the pages of "From Janitor to Screenwriting Stardom in Six Short Weeks."

"Driving will be safer," say the experts. "Computers will ensure that smart cars always maintain a safe distance between each other." Uh, just a moment. In the shockingly brief amount of time I've spent writing this story, my Windows PC has already crashed twice. Now just imagine 3000 morning commuters in their state-of-the-art, four-wheeled Pentiums, barreling down the Interstate at 70 mph in perfect, computerized formation, when suddenly the processor in the lead car spits out: "Abort? Retry? Ignore?" Personally, I don't want to be at the site of the steaming wreckage when Bill Gates arrives to say, "Would you folks like to try our new SmartCar 2010 upgrade?"

Aye, there's the rub. For most drivers, climbing behind the wheel isn't about being able to multitask on the move. It's about the sun on your brow, the G-joy of mashing down on a 300-horsepower gas pedal, the tickle on a twisty road of 10,000 synapses firing in a neural symphony. It's about holding that steering wheel and turning it ourselves--wherever we want, whenever we want.

I'm fine with having more computers in my car. But it'll be a cold day before the salesman gets me to pay for power Windows.